SO, YOU WANT TO HIRE ME? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. ============================================= I am not currently looking for work. However, I am willing to read a sufficiently interesting pitch should it meet the requirements outlined below. REQUIREMENTS ------------ If you are a recruiter, please do not contact me unless you are prepared to tell me up front who you represent and how much they are prepared to pay for my services. I am not interested in salaried positions; I already have one of those. I am only willing to work hourly, with time and a half for overtime guaranteed by contract. These are my rates by employment type: W-2 $128.00/hour 1099 $256.00/hour I charge a higher rate for 1099 work to compensate for the additional burden the IRS places on freelance workers in terms of payroll taxes, income tax reporting, quarterly payments, etc. These requirements are non-negotiable. Since I already have a solid job, you will deal with me on my terms or not at all. RESUME ------ This is a brief history of my professional experience as a developer. For discretion's sake and my own safety, I never name my current employer unless I'm interviewing for a new position. Do not request a copy in Word or PDF format; I will not provide it because everybody can read plain text and you have already imposed upon me simply by contacting me. one of the Big 4 consulting firms 2015-present a full-stack/devops generalist using Microsoft tech, Amazon cloud, Oracle, MySQL, Node.js, and React TEKsystems 2011-2015 a full-stack developer using Microsoft tech Computer Aid, Inc. 2010-2011 a full-stack developer using Microsoft tech Conduit Internet Technologies 2009-2010 a full-stack developer using Microsoft tech, the LAMP stack, and JavaScript Quality Data Service, Inc. 2000-2009 a desktop app developer using Microsoft tech and MicroFocus COBOL SKILLS & TOOLS -------------- HTML, CSS, JS, C#, Ruby, Python, SQL, PHP, React, JQuery, .NET Core, Slackware, OpenBSD, shell scripting, Emacs, vi, ed NOTE ---- This post is written mainly tongue-in-cheek as a way to vent frustration over cold calls and unsolicited emails from agency recruiters who don't know me from Adam, make no effort to get to know me or build rapport, but expect me to get excited about some "opportunity" that they won't tell me about until I agree to play 20 Questions with them. I'm not the only one to feel this way, and while this sort of laziness on the part of recruiters is especially prevalent on LinkedIn[0] not being there is no escape. A FURTHER NOTE -------------- If you find the tone or content of this post offensive, you're welcome. And congratulations on being part of the problem not only with tech recruiting, but with work in America today. If you think I should be grateful that I have a job or that people are reaching out to me to work with them, I would like you to rethink that opinion. I think that nobody should feel obligated to feel or express gratitude for having a job or being in demand. Work is an economic transaction. If you're running a business, you have money and need workers. I can work, and I need money. You want maximum effort for minimum pay. I want maximum pay for minimum effort. Our interests are opposed but not without room for negotiation. However, I'm not your friend, I don't love my work, and I sure as hell don't expect my work to love me back. I don't have a career. I have a day job. I do the job, and then I get paid. My intellect might be for rent, but my heart and soul are not for sale. If you can accept this, we can do business. If not, then let's see you manage without me. LINKS ----- [0]: https://www.freecodecamp.org/news/the-tech-recruiter-red-pill-967dd492560c/ ***** © 2022 Matthew Graybosch, all rights reserved Kudos to Flames to /dev/null