Recruiting Policy

In the hope of saving myself some time by saving tech recruiters time, I’ve created this page. If you’re looking to hire people, please read it before contacting me. I have a resume of sorts available via LinkedIn but if you want to reach me you’re going to have to use plain old-fashioned email.

Availability

I currently have a salaried position at one of the USA’s Big 4 consulting firms. My current gross salary is approximately $96,000¹ plus health/vision/dental insurance, life insurance, disability insurance, and a 401(k). I am sufficiently content with my current position that going through the hassle of tech interviewing isn’t worthwhile to me.

Requirements

Please provide all details about the job you’re trying to fill up front:

• the name of the company offering the job
• required skills
• optional skills
• presence and travel requirements
• citizenship, visa, and clearance requirements
• hourly wage/salary and benefits on offer
• tax filing status (W2 vs 1099)
• why the position is open

When cold emailing me please include the URL of this policy and a brief answer to the following question as a Turing test: “Do tech recruiters possess the Buddha nature?”

Contact Me If…

• you need an experienced applications developer familiar with Microsoft’s stack (C#, .NET Core, ASP.NET, IIS, EF, SQL Server)
• you need the above but also use Oracle or MySQL instead of Microsoft SQL Server
• you need the above but also need somebody with web development experience and understands the importance of accessibility
• you need the above but also need somebody familiar with AWS
• you need help reverse engineering old COBOL applications for the purpose of modernization using more modern technology
• you need a developer who’s also familiar with GNU/Linux, *BSD, shell scripting, PHP, Apache, and other FOSS tech
• your lead developer needs an understudy and is willing to give me the mentoring I need to become a lead myself
• your BOFH is in need of a slightly superannuated PFY who knows enough to RTFM before bothering people

Do Not Contact Me If…

• your hiring process optimizes for recent graduates with computer science degrees
• you expect me to relocate for onsite work
• you’re hiring for a startup
• you’re hiring for adtech, social media, or blockchain/cryptocurrency tech
• you hire for “culture fit” rather than technical skill²
• you’re not prepared to provide the information requested above
• you’re looking for somebody who can cope with Visual Basic 6³

My Strengths

• I’m a self-taught self-starter who can work effectively alone or in teams with minimal supervision.
• I’m familiar with a broad range of technologies and computing environments.
• I am not prejudiced against unfamiliar technologies; I will learn anything I need for a given project.
• I write clean, concise, and maintainable code with documentation as needed.
• I am relentless when troubleshooting, and will not stop until I’ve not only fixed the bug but identified its underlying cause.
• I am completely comfortable in an asynchronous environment where all communication is done in writing.
• I can do well in a “mission-focused” environment.
• I am discreet and security-conscious.

My Weaknesses

• When testing, I do best with clear test cases and explicit acceptance criteria rather than open-ended “try to break it” testing.
• I am better at writing than I am at speaking.
• I do better speaking in person than I do speaking over conference calls or Zoom. I try to compensate by taking my turn last and speaking slowly.
• Being autistic, I am sometimes brusque and don’t read the room as well as others might like.
• I am not comfortable with “bringing my whole self to work”, but I am comfortable in diverse environments as long as I’m not under pressure to “open up” before I’m ready.
• I sometimes focus on details at the expense of the big picture.