The Cop in My Head

He’s a bastard, too, just like most cops.

Thu, 24 Sep 2020

Call it conscience if you like. Or get Freudian and call it the superego. But there’s a cop living rent-free in the back of my head, and he’s a bastard. He’s always judging me, policing every stray notion that comes to mind.

Most of the time he sounds like a frightened child, sure that if I do what I want or speak from the heart I’ll be punished.

Frankly, I feel like I’ve lived a “good Christian life” despite thinking Christianity is a crock of shit. How is this fair? It isn’t, but the world is neither just nor unjust. “Fairness” is just another spook, like my conscience. But this is what I get for periodically rereading Max Stirner…

What is not supposed to be my concern! First and foremost, the good cause, then God’s cause, the cause of mankind, of truth, of freedom, of humanity, of justice; further, the cause of my people, my prince, my fatherland; finally, even the cause of Mind, and a thousand other causes. Only my cause is never to be my concern. Shame on the egoist who thinks only of himself!

Max Stirner: The Unique and Its Property (1845)

Or perhaps the elder Alexandre Dumas?

Perhaps what I am about to say will appear strange to you gentlemen, socialists, progressives, humanitarians as you are, but I never worry about my neighbor, I never try to protect society which does not protect me — indeed, I might add, which generally takes no heed of me except to do me harm — and, since I hold them low in my esteem and remain neutral towards them, I believe that society and my neighbor are in my debt.

Alexandre Dumas, père: The Count of Monte Cristo (1844)

Your politics are boring as fuck, and your morality is of no greater interest. I don’t want to live for anybody but myself. I don’t want to serve any cause but my own. I don’t give a fuck about “society”, “my country”, “the economy”, “future generations”, “the planet”, “the common good”, “humanity”, or anybody who doesn’t love and value me for who I am. I shouldn’t have to.

You shouldn’t have to, either. We all deserve better than live in fear of being shamed because we had the effrontery to be ourselves and seek the fulfillment of our desires. As long as we harm none, do what thou wilt should be the whole of the law.

preview image for YouTube video ID 6A-IoOEPbUs
“From the Pinnacle to the Pit” by Ghost (click to view)

If being myself leaves me friendless, so be it. I’ll wear my independence like a crown…